End of the Month Rambling

So I was recently talking to a friend about his dating issues well just one dating issue, he started to date a female that was celibate. I am perfectly fine with celibacy it keeps the boundaries clear and defined. It protects both parties from bad decisions (i.e. pity sex, and bored sex). Also, I am just don’t trust other peoples private parts, they may be infected or just nasty.  So I can understand why more people practice celibacy. I am an advocate for until I feel ready. I can know you for years , if I don’t feel ready I won’t do anything. It just the morals I hold for myself. Anyway I digress.  He was telling me about how she wanted to wait until marriage. Which is admirable and I respect that, but the way she did it where I have an issue. She waited until 6 months into dating him to say out right “Oh I am waiting until marriage to have sex”. So here is the listed reason why you should say these upfront and other ramblings:

1. You should make it clear by the first month of dating or by date number 3 what you intentions are.  I understand being celibate in some ways, I practice it more than I would like to admit. I also tell every man I want to date early. I am not big on “casual sex” I like to have a relationship and make sure we are compatible emotionally, before sleeping with each other. I feel if I tell you early, than if you decide dating me is not an option than no hurt feelings should occur( Sometimes I am wrong). But waiting until 6 months into a relationship. WHAT the WHAT??? No that a big NO. If you can’t tell them upfront than you shouldn’t be dating them.
2. Don’t send “pics” to men that you are not going to sleep with them. Again if you made it clear no fun before marriage than do not play the teasing game. Sending pictures of you partially clothed is the worst tease of all. Look pictures are awesome especially when they know they get to touch it later but if there no touching than there should be no pictures.
3. Steve Harvey and all the Black movies need to stop promoting the wrong ideals. No offense makes you money because that how the world works. But stop with advice you wouldn’t take. Like the 90-day rule. Again I am an advocate for when you are ready not when he is ready. If you are not big on sex let him know so he can decide to stick it out our leave. If you are practicing celibacy than have an adult conversation about it and why.
4. “I was hurt by a man is not a valid reason.”   I get sick and tired of woman saying how bad they were hurt by their Ex. If you were that hurt take a year or 2 off form dating and sex, to heal yourself. It’s not fun trust me but during that time you can practice celibacy and find out what is important to you.  Do you want s short term relationship, or long-term companionship?  Be truthful with you hopes and expectations. However, work on your fairytale issues.  No there are not knight in shining armor. No he will not wait and he doesn’t have too. No you are not a damsel in distress and stop acting like one.

So here are my ramblings I completely got off of the subject but I hope you enjoy reading this post. If not than stop reading these post. 

Your dating bill of rights

This is from another writer but I love what she wrote and wanted to share this with people. I love to share. 

By Nina Malkin We, the people — in particular, those socially active seekers of romance, companionship and pleasure — deserve certain inalienable rights when it comes to charting the waters of the dating scene. And so, in honor of Independence Day (you’re looking for love, not surrendering your sense of self), here they are: 

You have the right to ask. If you meet a person of interest, you are free to ask him/her out. Sounds simple—but until you fully embrace this concept, you may hinder yourself socially. Asking someone out is not gender-exclusive (i.e., women can and should do it). And no one is out of your league (the worst he/she can say is no thanks). So unless the guy/girl you’ve got designs on is in a relationship or part of a celibate religious order, ask away!

You have the right to the jitters. Getting to know a new person can be nerve-wracking. Pre-date anxiety is so common, it’s a safe bet the person you’re sweating about seeing is doing the same about you. It’s all right to not only feel it, but admit it. Indeed, saying, “I’m a little nervous about tonight” can work as an icebreaker.

You have the right to punctuality. It’s a date, not a “stop by whenever…” open house. Expect to be met or picked up on time (so be ready or at the rendezvous spot on time), or called in advance if delays are unavoidable. Consider enacting a 15-minute rule. If a date is a quarter of an hour late, don’t wait!

You have the right to free speech. Yes, you want this person to like you, but that doesn’t mean you should alter your ideas or opinions to voice what you think your date wants to hear. Speak your mind! That said, make sure you encourage your date to speak freely, too. No one wants to hang out with a conversation hog.

You have the right to fun. Approach dating like a job interview, and a good time will not be had by all. While the impulse to ascertain someone’s long-term commitment potential is natural, it’s a bit self-defeating in the early stages of dating. Go on activity-oriented dates, where you can get a vibe about a person, as opposed to doing entirely talk-centric stuff that can make both of you feel scrutinized and squirmy. Think brief, planned encounters initially instead of random marathons. Keep conversations light on topics like shared interests (rather than delving into each other’s psyches and romantic histories right away).

You have the right to undivided attention. A date is by and large a one-on-one activity. It’s not about two people and a gadget. Or two people and all of his/her friends at the bar. If the individual you’re out with constantly checks email or takes cell phone calls — or is so distracted by others in the room that you feel ignored — end the date early and move on.

You have the right to bare arms—or long sleeves. Wear jeans and a T-shirt—or something fancier if it makes you feel more on top of your game. The point is: Dress comfortably for dates, donning an outfit you look good and feel good in. You’ll come off as confident—and be more naturally desirable. Of course, do aim to be occasion-appropriate (that slinky evening gown might not do for his backyard barbecue; shorts and a tank top won’t work for a candlelit dinner).

You have the right to kiss. Physical attraction is what makes dating different from other relationships. If you’re both feeling it, go for it! And that applies whether it’s date #1 or #10. There’s no set timetable. And if you’re feeling it but aren’t sure whether the other person is, you can always say, “I really want to kiss you right now,” and see what reaction you get. Just keep in mind that kissing can be a gateway display of affection—as things progress, be prepared for safe sex.

You have the right to follow-up. This is not only a right, it’s a courteous custom that nice people ascribe to. And somebody’s got to place the follow-up call/email. If you had an enjoyable time and would like to see this person again, don’t play games about how many days you’re “supposed” to wait, get in touch.

You have the right to cancel. If you’re having a crappy day, feel a cold coming on or get slammed with a project at work, it’s perfectly reasonable to contact your date the day of your plans, explain your situation, and ask for a rain check. However, canceling because something or someone better came along, while not a criminal offense, may be a karmic one.

You have the right to bow out (and break up). Occasionally, you may find yourself on a date from hell. Trust your gut on this, and cash in that “get out of date free” card. If the date is going badly (and especially if the person you’re with makes you feel at all uncomfortable or unsafe) you’re by no means obligated to see it through. The same applies to relationships that turn out to be not what you want. Don’t “hang in there” because you don’t wish to propagate hurt feelings. Be courteous, be quick—and get out! A “Thank you; I need to be going in a minute” on a first date or “It’s been nice getting to know you, but I don’t see our relationship progressing” after a couple of get-togethers should work well.

Alpha Males, Beta Males and Omega males….

I found this along time ago. I got it off MSN but don't remeber the writer, but I wanted to share this to all. 

The Liberal Arts Layabout: Since he's hanging out with successful artist types, Greenberg falls into this category, along with other Noah Baumbach characters (Jack Black in Margot at the Wedding, Chris Eigeman in Kicking and Screaming) and every role that Jason Schwartzman has ever played. They are usually failed artists of some sort, often surrounded by more successful friends and relatives. The bitter ones—Greenberg, Chris Eigeman—hide their inability to live up to the demands of the world with cynicism verging on cruelty. For example, after yelling, unprovoked, at his young lover Florence, Greenberg tells her that it's partially her fault and that she should "take some responsibility for trying to see me." The sweeter ones—Jason Schwartzman in Bored to Death—retreat to an elaborate fantasy world. In Bored to Death, Schwartzman plays Jonathan Ames, a writer whose career has stalled. He decides to become an amateur private eye after reading too many pulp novels and is mostly incompetent at his new fake job.

The Mimbo: Unlike the liberal arts layabout, the mimbo revels in not participating in mainstream masculine culture. This character is very good-looking (hence the contraction—male bimbo) but doesn't necessarily use his looks for personal gain. Mimbos of TV and film include Cougar Town's Brian Van Holt, who plays the lead character's hapless, underemployed golf-pro ex-husband, and Dax Shepard's vain "male model" in When in Rome. Though Shepard's character is obsessed with his own "shredded" physique, he can't make it translate into gainful employment or public adulation: The photos in his modeling book were all done on spec, and when he takes his shirt off in a cafe, everyone hectors him to put it back on. Despite his lack of steady employment or fulfilling relationships, Van Holt's Cougar Town character, Bobby Cobb, is so secure in his alternative masculinity that in a recent episode he was not even embarrassed when he was beaten up and robbed by a woman.

Beer Guy: As Kerry Howley pointed out in an XX Factor post from earlier this year, beer guy appeared in many of the sexist ads that ran during the Super Bowl. There are two variations on this type: original beer guy and sad beer guy. Original beer guy is a mimbo gone to seed. He's a happy couch potato, crashing a book club with his buddies from the softball league just to score some Bud Light. He is unbothered by his inability to live up to the masculine ideal—unlike sad beer guy, who is hyperaware of the fact that he is falling short. The middle-aged dudes on Men of a Certain Age—an unemployed actor, a man whose marriage fell apart because of his gambling addiction, and an unhappy car salesman—are sad beer guys. So are the miserable-looking men in the infamous Dodge Charger Super Bowl ad who appeared to be crushed by the responsibilities of their days, which didn't just include working long hours but also dealing with the demands of their wives. As a New Jersey Star-Ledger review of Men of a Certain Age says of Ray Romano's character in that show, "Joe is a man who misses his wife, cares about his kids, depends on his friends but also feels like he should be doing better with all of them, if he could only figure out how."

The Game Boy: The Apatovian stoners and the passive lads of Grandma's Boy (whom Reihan Salam termed beta males in this Slate article from 2006) are exemplary game boys. These men live in a perpetually adolescent zone, ignoring adult responsibilities unless they are forced to consider them. If they're employed, it's playing video games (Grandma's Boy) or creating a redundant Web site listing movie nude scenes (as in the Apatow flick Knocked Up). The newest entry in the game-boy posse is the star of She's Out of My League, Apatow crony Jay Baruchel. In that movie, Baruchel plays a nebbishy TSA airport screener who somehow nabs a blond, hot event-planner with a law degree. Though Baruchel may get the girl at the end of the film, as EW reviewer Owen Gleiberman writes, "He's a socially inept underachiever who works in airport security, and she's a high-end event planner who oozes poise and would never be drawn to such a gawky, shambling loser." Sounds like the writers are stuck in the same game-boy male dream-world that their characters inhabit.