Pitfalls of Dating
Dating a Single Father: The Good, The Bad and the Excusers (part 1)
So recently, in my dating life I have started to encounter the single father/ex-husband man. I have been preparing myself for this journey for the last 3 years. I knew this day would come if the stars didn’t align and pull me from the dating pool. Atlas the stars did not align and I had to decide what I could and could not deal with on this front. I know from growing up what type of person I did not want to be.
I remember the type of men/ women my mom or dad dated and qualities I despised in them. I did not like people who acted like they were my parents on first encounters. I had parents and other family members who disciplined me so I was always well behaved when in public. I did not like for them to act like I didn’t exist just because my mom had people who would babysit and watch me. If I didn’t like you I just didn’t like you and I need you to accept it. I would never be disrespectful for fear of punishment but I didn’t want your attention either. I was an awkward child, leave me to my devises and I could entertain myself for hours.(hence why I can entertain myself for hours) So I know that all I would like to know is do you have children? If so how many (plays a big factor in if we date), Do you have primary custody or every other weekend? Do you play an active role in their life? Are you fully divorced or just separated from you wife?
So the two things that are true deal breakers for me or will cause me to friend-zone you forever is the last two questions. Do you play an active role and are you separated or divorced. I ask if you play an active role for several reasons. One I hate deadbeat fathers. Over the years I meet men who tried to play the good guy card of I am their for my kids but spent more times trying to get in another female pants.
Examples of the BAD!
One example is the ex-con so he had a child and talked about getting them every weekend. I was impressed until he said “Yea, my mom watches ________ every weekend, so I can do whatever.” I asked him so “do you work on the weekends?” His response “ Naw I chill with friends, get high, Screw Witches*, you know I live my life.” So my first thought is what is the point you are dumping your kid off on someone else! What the HELL! I quickly ended that converstation and proceeded to Keep it moving. No respect for being a father really he is a sperm donor.
Another example is “I am a good father , but I want them Nike Boots!” So this past Christmas at my 2nd job I meet this guy. He rubbed me the wrong way. He said he was trying to pay Child Support to his Baby Momma. My mangers hired him cause he was willing to work any shift. For the first two weeks he was good. He worked hard and didn’t complain. One day I asked out of curiosity, are you getting you ______ anything for Christmas? His response “No I got other things to take care of.” I respected that until after the 1st pay check of Christmas I saw him in a whole new wardrobe. I didn’t think much of it. Until I had to drive him home one night after work. He proceed to tell me he wasn’t giving his baby mama shit, his 2 year old was spoiled and knew the baby grandparents would hook her up. Than proceed to have me drop him off at his baby mama’s house so he could Get some Brain and Break her off some good D***. All I could think is you just made $XXX and not even a cute outfit for your kid. As the season progressed he had really cleaned him self up with new Nikes, New Tims, and New Clothes. Not once did he pay child support or get anything for his kid. Iknow these are rare but men like it is despise me. You worried about your social life and how you look. It is you child who suffers, but you want the title “Good Man” or “Good Father”.
The Excusers (excuse makers)
These are men that use their kids as excuses for not going out, or just for having fun. Se I guess growing up with single parents I know when you have to cancel a date with a someone because you kids are sick, or other responsibilities. I remember I had Chicken Pox once my mom had to cancel a date with a guy. I loved my mom at that moment, however said man broke up with her because of that. I disliked him greatly. But my mom made a valid excuse. However, some people don’t appreciate knowing that a person can appreciate the nuances of dating with kids. The use it against the single person instead of embracing it. This happened over text message twice with a guy I knew:
WM: Hey would you like to go to the movies sometime this weekend?
MN: _________ I have my kid this weekend so no.
WM: Ok Well what about next Tuesday they have $5 movie night.
MN: What don’t you get when I say I have my kid. Look I am trying to deal with school, raising my kid, and a divorce. I do not have time to spend with you.
WM: Oh Ok . Well have a good night.
MN: I wish you would understand just how busy and stressful I am.
That whole response was completely taken out of context. In my head he was using his kid as an excuse not to go out and have fun. The other person understood they were busy and offered a different day. But they still proceed not to listen and blast them for not understanding they were busy. Other excuse makers are no I can’t go out cause of my divorce but you can come over and watch a movie and spend the night. I know divorcee’ cost money but that to me is just cheap. I know there are better examples like when they never pay for a date, or never want to be seen in public with you. I really am starting to think its me. Next time I will write about Men that are seperareted and divorce.
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