Dating a Single Father: The Good, The Bad and the Excusers (part 1)

So recently, in my dating life I have started to encounter the single father/ex-husband man. I have been preparing myself for this journey for the last 3 years. I knew this day would come if the stars didn’t align and pull me from the dating pool. Atlas the stars did not align and I had to decide what I could and could not deal with on this front.  I know from growing up what type of person I did not want to be.

 I remember the type of men/ women my mom or dad dated and qualities I despised in them.  I did not like people who acted like they were my parents on first encounters. I had parents and other family members who disciplined me so I was always well behaved when in public. I did not like for them to act like I didn’t exist just because my mom had people who would babysit and watch me. If I didn’t like you I just didn’t like you and I need you to accept it. I would never be disrespectful for fear of punishment but I didn’t want your attention either.  I was an awkward child, leave me to my devises and I could entertain myself for hours.(hence why I can entertain myself for hours)  So I know that all I would like to know is do you have children? If so how many (plays a big factor in if we date), Do you have primary custody or every other weekend?  Do you play an active role in their life? Are you fully divorced or just separated from you wife?

So the two things that are true deal breakers for me or will cause me to friend-zone you forever is the last two questions.  Do you play an active role and are you separated or divorced. I ask if you play an active role for several reasons. One I hate deadbeat fathers. Over the years I meet men who tried to play the good guy card of I am their for my kids but spent more times trying to get in another female pants.

Examples of the BAD!

One example is the ex-con so he had a child and talked about getting them every weekend. I was impressed until he said “Yea, my mom watches ________ every weekend, so I can do whatever.” I asked him so “do you work on the weekends?” His response “ Naw I chill with friends, get high, Screw Witches*, you know I live my life.” So my first thought is what is the point you are dumping your kid off on someone else! What the HELL! I quickly ended that converstation and proceeded to Keep it moving. No respect for being a father really he is a sperm donor. 

Another example is “I am a good father , but I want them Nike Boots!” So this past Christmas at my 2^nd job I meet this guy. He rubbed me the wrong way. He said he was trying to pay Child Support to his Baby Momma. My mangers hired him cause he was willing to work any shift. For the first two weeks he was good.  He worked hard and didn’t complain. One day I asked out of curiosity, are you getting you ______ anything for Christmas? His response “No I got other things to take care of.” I respected that until after the 1^st pay check of Christmas I saw him in a whole new wardrobe. I didn’t think much of it. Until I had to drive him home one night after work. He proceed to tell me he wasn’t giving his baby mama shit, his 2 year old was spoiled and knew the baby grandparents  would hook her up. Than proceed  to have me drop him off at his baby mama’s house so he could Get some Brain and Break her off some good D***.  All I could think is you just made $XXX and not even a cute outfit for your kid. As the season progressed he had really cleaned him self up with new Nikes, New Tims, and New Clothes. Not once did he pay child support or get anything for his kid.  Iknow these are rare but men like it is despise me. You worried about your social life and how you look. It is you child who suffers, but you want the title “Good Man” or “Good Father”.

The Excusers (excuse makers)

            These are men that use their kids as excuses for not going out, or just for having fun.  Se I guess growing up with single parents I know when you have to cancel a date with a someone because you kids are sick, or other responsibilities.  I remember I had Chicken Pox once my mom had to cancel a date with a guy. I loved my mom at that moment, however said man broke up with her because of that. I disliked him greatly.  But my mom made a valid excuse. However, some people don’t appreciate knowing that a person can appreciate the nuances of dating with kids. The use it against the single person instead of embracing it. This happened over text message twice with a guy I knew:

WM: Hey would you like to go to the movies sometime this weekend?

MN: _________ I have my kid this weekend so no.

WM: Ok Well what about next Tuesday they have $5 movie night.

MN: What don’t you get when I say I have my kid. Look I am trying to deal with school, raising my kid, and a divorce. I do not have time to spend with you.

WM: Oh Ok . Well have a good night.

MN: I wish you would understand just how busy and stressful I am.  

That whole response was completely taken out of context. In my head he was using his kid as an excuse not to go out and have fun. The other person understood they were busy and offered a different day. But they still proceed not to listen and blast them for not understanding they were busy. Other excuse makers are no I can’t go out cause of my divorce but you can come over and watch a movie and spend the night. I know divorcee’ cost money but that to me is just cheap. I know there are better examples like when they never pay for a date, or never want to be seen in public with you. I really am starting to think its me. Next time I will write about Men that are seperareted and divorce.

Pussification of men

The  pussification of Men is a rampant epidemic. I know some men will not agree, but men have become very soft (if you don't agree you may be a man that is pussifeid). Over the last three years I have seen more men decry their emotions in ways that are just very feminine. Statements such as “You hurt me…” or “ Have you ever considered my feeling…” Have been uttered out of their mouth and it makes me cringe. I mean there is a time and place to uses these statements, if you are encounter someone that cheated on you or you’re in a long term relationship. Not when you are getting to know someone or not when you are trying to date someone. These statements should not be uttered if you haven't know the person for over six months. Within six months if they have hurt your feeling than move the F*** on, but I digress, men are becoming just too sensitive, and it’s getting to the point that some of them need a feminine pad or tampon(You know who you are).  Other little things like the amount of men who don’t know how to do things around the house, such as paint, unclog a drain, change the oil in a the car, or anything computer or electronic related. really at least know how to hook up an Xbox 360 or Blue-ray player its not rocket science.  Secondly, another sign of the pussification of men is complaining. I am not saying that men should not complain, no on the contrary men have every right to complain but just don't sound whiny or bitchy about it. Here is an example Guy N " I can't stand how fucking lazy my team member are, they act like they can not go do Blayza, Blahzya blue. They fucking get on my nerves. " Guy N goes right back to work. Their no extra details, sometimes I listen give the courtesy " What the hell are their problems" or " Dang, How are you going to handle this?" He may elaborate but all in all the complaint only last for 5 mins. Guy C complains as such " You wouldn't believe what so and so did Blah, Blah, blah, blah, blah ( 15 mins later) so what are your thoughts on this. I have personally forgot of the complaint and realized that Guy C was bitching very close to how females bitch about stuff. I try to come up with an answer, usually just say sorry and try to get him on his way. But Guy C bitching was more feminine in tone and more drawn out. Versus Guy N which was to the point and he was just blowing off steam. Maybe it me and this is not a good example but their more. My favorite example of the pussification of men is seeing how many Men can no longer hold their alcohol as I get older I encounter this a lot. It is not as it use to be that too much alcohol and a guy may be extra horny or angry and may I say sometimes  very affectionate. But know because of the pussification of men all I see is Whiners and Arguers when they are drunk. Prime example on night out with friends and this random guy begins to whine in a high pitched voice about being hungry. I looked at my other friend  a female and asked is he whining like a toddler. She quielty said yes. We watched as he continued to whine about having to much to drink and being hungry. All I could do was think, order some f****** food at the bar and STFU. I mean sometimes you can't help it but really whining about drinking too much. Last time I checked no one held a gun to you head and told you to drink 8 beers, 2 hard drinks and no water nor eat no food. Also I have seen more men bitch at their woman while drunk and out in public. I mean I have seen guy catch attitudes even leave but to start screaming on woman like they are two-years old is pretty ridiculous.  If you can not maintain a certain level of for lack of a better word decorum while drunk than you may not want to drink. But for men especially, its not cute when you act like the Kayne West Drunken Hot Girls in the street. I could write more about this but truth is their a lot of Bitch ni$$as running around. A lot of the blame can be put on the ladies and even these guys friends for not correcting the bitch-ass tendencies and just  accepting it.  With so many sensitive and unknowing men running around when you find on that not overly sensitive and has a lot of rewarding qualities, me personally I want to make him mine permentatly. As Katt Williams once refered to in a comedy show, their real Ni$$a and Bitch Ni$$a. I do not like referring to men as such but when you find a real man it is a rarity. 

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